Nothing like it seem
by Psycho-kyugurl
Summary: Think that riding in a jeep is utterly weird for Sanzo-ikkou? Now think again. Inspired from RELOAD


Think riding on a jeep is utterly weird for Sanzo-ikkou? Now think again.

Inspired by Volume 2 of Saiyuki: Reload, act 5.5: Lovely-baby. Highly recommended.

**Nothing like it seem**

One-shot

Journeying to the west was bad.

Journeying to the west with three complete idiots was bad enough. 

Journeying to the west with three complete idiots just to save the world _was_ bad enough. 

Journeying to the west with three complete idiots, on a _Jeep, with constant bickering from the back sit and a bunch of demons that will never get tired of repeating the same ol' line over and over again just for the sake of saving the god damned world _WAS_ BAD enough._

But_ this_ is far worse from whatever he had ever imagined. Far worse from any mary-sue fics out there. 

_What the hell…?_

Genjo Sanzo stared blankly ahead at the innocent visage of something that resembled a typical shop that was strategically situated right under the bridge of his nose. Funny how you'll never notice something till 

"Yeah Sanzo! You found the shop!!!!" Goku went hyped up with enthusiasm as he followed Sanzo's gaze over to the minute shop and made his way through the crowd of bustling villagers to get to the shop.

This further darkened Sanzo's expression.

"Are you all right?" Hakkai who were observing him all this while, stood beside him; his eyes a mixture of concern and worry.

He hesitated. "You sure you are fine with this?" he growled in depression.

Hakkai gave a small laugh. "We don't have much of a choice, Sanzo. Since Hakuryuu is gone, we've got no other means of transport to pursue the journey and everyone agreed that walking isn't a very bright idea."

"I'd. Rather. Walk." Sanzo gritted his teeth.

"Yes I understand, but it will take ages."

"Don't they have any cars here?"

"I've went around the town this morning, no." 

"…"

"How about walking to the next town to get one?" Goyjo's voice came drifting over, smuging cleverly at his brilliant idea as he joined in the conversation. 

"Thought about that too but – " He pointed at the distant shadow of a very, _very _tall and enormous mountain that seemed to appear that morning and any normal or rather sane being wouldn't dare to take the risk to climb over a mountain which its peak is lost in the thick blankets of fluffy clouds. 

Goyjo's jaw dropped, together with his previous suggestion. 

Sanzo merely cast an eye over at the said mountain. _Damn._

~*~*~*~*~*~

"Hora, look! Isn't this cute, Sanzo?" Goku fervently waved for attention as he stood beside a pink tricycle that was overly decorated with a hefty dose of pink ribbons that seemed entirely useless for its minute figure. "And oh it has a hooter too!!"

_Hoot, hoot. Hoot, hoot.  _(Or rather : Honk, honk. Honk, honk. I don't know.)

In no time, a paper fan landed itself on the saru's head and a rather piercing scream emitted from the poor creature as Sanzo promptly shove the paper fan away. "_Shut the hell up!!!!!!!!!!!!"_

Goyjo sauntered in lazily, eliciting a displeasing atmosphere. "Oh Sanzo-sama is not in a very good mood today." 

An abrupt silence descended upon the entire shop, a 10-gauge shotgun was pointed on Goyjo's head.

"Ah welcome to Bikes for Idiots sirs. How may I serve you today?" An old man stepped out from the shadow and greeted them with a toothy, wide smile but was wiped off almost instantly when a bullet narrowly missing his head by a few inches and lodged itself comfortably at the wall behind. 

Hakkai quickly bowed an apology upon sensing treachery ahead. "Gomen ne, oji-san.  I hope you are not hurt in anyway."

"Haha…" the shopkeeper laughed nervously. "Very…_interesting_ friends you have there. Haha…let me show you some of the models we have here."

Meanwhile…

 "You want me to clear up that stupid brain of yours? The next shot wouldn't be so lucky." Sanzo announced unmercifully.

"Iie…thanks but no thanks," Goyjo decline instantly and then he averted his gaze to Goku who stood as numbed as he was beside him. "And thanks to you and that stupid idea of yours, we are all doomed to be one of Sanzo's victims anytime soon." He whispered.

"What??!! You never did say that you are against this idea, ero kappa!"

"I will never agree to any of your _bright ideas anymore as long as I live!!"_

"You never say you are against this idea!!"

"I told you I will never agree to any of your bright ideas as long as I live!!"

"You never –"

"Yes, stop repeating the same line, baka saru!!"

"You –"

"Would the hell of you _SHUT THE F*** UP!!" Sanzo's brusque voice assaulted both of the annoying creatures, giving them no time to duck from his infamous swish, twack and ouch! _

From a safe distance away, the shopkeeper who had momentarily forgotten the existent of the brutal monk, was hustling himself introducing various of bicycles to Hakkai who examined each and every bicycle carefully. "2003 IBEX model, technologically advanced that is sure fit for long-distance journey or mountain-hiking. The parts however, come in separate sets and we offer no lifetime guarantee."

"Interesting," Hakkai managed to utter and shifted his attention to yet another blue electrifying model. "Ah yes, you have a very good taste indeed sir. This is once ride by Tome Pires (?) when he set out to explore the world beyond, touring around China with this baby. With traditional front suspension aluminum mountain bike and not to mention a very affordable price, this is recommendable for those who seriously don't have a clue of where they are heading. The same goes to those who have a poor sight and tend to sleep when they cycle. Totally safe since none have died in this period of time. Catastrophe guarantee."

Hakkai arched a brow to induce the shopkeeper to continue.

"Rukawa Kaede constantly barge into obstacles and is still alive till today. Do the math."

"Oh…" he merely replied, having no idea who Rukawa Kaede was. "Don't you have something…er…simpler? What I mean is…not so sophisticated?"

"Of course! We live to serve sir." The shopkeeper moved on to another model. "This is the latest obsession among the girls nowadays. User friendly as it consist of only two distinctive way to move it: Mount and Pedal."

"What I mean sir," Hakkai rudely interrupt," is something that is simpler and easier to understand and it is suitable for boys and men only."

"How about one that is suitable for both sexes?" 

He heaved out a sigh. "I think that will be fine if it has neither  fancy nor too eye-catching components on it as we have enemies at our trail everyday." 

"You are rather picky sir but never mind. We live to serve after all."

And so the shopkeeper continued showing and shoving bicycles after bicycles while blabbering on how great each of them is and how they live to serve, only to ensue nothing but irritation from our young Hakkai. And as for Sanzo, he was too occupied with abusing his pets (Goku and Goyjo) that he too had dropped the subject of pursuing their journey on bicycles and forgot that he was in a shop brimming with bicycles of all choices.

When everything had finally cooled down (the shop was punctured with bullet holes everywhere), Hakkai insisted that Goku and Goyjo should try out one of the models to see whether they like it or not. He did try to make Sanzo mount on one of them but –

"Don't make kill you too Hakkai."

"Hai, hai Sanzo-sama."

"Hey, Hakkai," Goku shouted. "How do you work this thing??!!" 

"I guess you have to mount it first, stable yourself and –"

He didn't time to finish his sentence as the bike sped down the slope together with the deadpan Goku who was hurdled forward into the bushes once it reached the bottom of the slope.

"That look like a rather nasty fall," Hakkai commented after witnessing the shameful act.

Goyjo chortled with laughter. "Baka saru, don't even know how to ride a bike safely."

"Sound like you are an expert Goyjo."

"Of course, I used to ride them when I was much younger. Let the master show you how it is done." 

He prodded to one of the bike and mounted on it. "When I was young, I had this really gorgeous bike that has three wheels and I would ride all day long around the town…blah…blah…blah…" Goyjo could be a real nanny when he wanted too.

Uncertainty hazed Hakkai's mien. "Isn't that a tricycle?"

"Bicycle or tricycle, both work the same way. Watch."

And he skidded down the slope and landed on top of Goku.

"Yare, yare." Hakkai shook his head.

"Baka." Sanzo cursed dryly.

"Oi, corrupted monk! If you are so smart why don't you ride on one??!!" Goyjo shouted from the distance and was awarded with a shot from the monk's gun. 

"Baka."

The shopkeeper paced out from his shop and brought with him another two more exquisite looking bikes.

"So how do you find it?"

"Very unnerving." Sanzo replied bleakly.

"The BMX model is the best I can offer sir. It has a foe detector that can pick up senses whenever your enemies are nearby. It is light, easily to navigate and idiot-friendly. And the best part is, it doesn't have brakes."

"No brakes??" Goyjo rolled his eyes as he climbed up and threw the bike aside. "What's a bike without brakes?"

"Careful sir, the bike is very costly." The shopkeeper warned.

"I don't care of your stupid bikes! I demand for compensation!!!!!"

"You can't do that sir. Remember this is only a fanfic."

"I told you I don't care!!!" His shaku jou loomed out from nowhere, looking lethal and aesthetically destructive.  

"Sir, please~! Violence is prohibited too in fanfic!"

Hakkai stepped in just on time to prevent blood shed. "Goyjo, killing would do no good."

"It will only reduce the number of idiots," Sanzo added dryly.

"Yes listen to your monk friend at least, red-head." 

Sanzo pointed his gun at the old man. "Shut up if you want to live."

…

…

…

Goku reappeared a second later after that. "I'm hungry," he announced to no one in particular. "A-re? Did I miss anything? Where are Sanzo and the others?"

~*~*~*~*~*~

"I guess journeying on foot is better than cycling." Hakkai spoke as they walked down the empty road.

"Way better." Goyjo replied. 

Sanzo made no comments.

"Eh Sanzo, why didn't you try out any of those bikes?"

"Don't ask."

"Aah…I see. Sanzo-sama doesn't now to ride a bicycle." He teased.

Sanzo cracked a shot and shut him up completely.

"I'm hungry," Goku wailed.

"We would be arriving at the inn soon Goku."

"But I'm very, very hungry!!"

"Please stand a little longer Goku. We are not very far away…"

"Hakkai, where would you think Hakuryuu could have gone too?" Goyjo ventured a question to Hakkai who in return did nothing more but shrugged.

"I don't know."

"I'm hungry…" Goku droned on.

"But aren't him your pet?"

"I'm hungry…Hakkai…"

"That is why I don't want to restrain his freedom. This may be the best for him."

"I'm hungry…Goyjo…"

"Gee, you're such a sentimental man."

"I'm hungry…Sanzo…"

"I'm –"

"SHUT UP SARU!!" 

Goku was brutally tortured by the three of them, each showing no mercy in their eyes. After a moment of satisfaction, the trio journeyed on, leaving the fatally wounded saru behind wincing in pain.

"When that Hakuryuu finally come back –" He shouted in raging tone with his fist in the air, " –I'll roast him up for my dinner!!!!!!!!!!!"

THE END

"Kyuu..?"

Flame me. I know it's bad.

Rukawa Kaede – slam dunk character. 


End file.
